50 Hit Points for 200 Yen

March 16 is the release date for Square Enix's Final Fantasy XII, the latest installment in one of the most hard-to-kill video game franchises in history. In anticipation of said release, Square Enix has enlisted the help of beverage giant Suntory, who is currently selling a promotional tie-in item called Final Fantasy XII Potion.

Needless to say, I had to run to the convenience store and pick up a bottle of this so-called Potion. The clear, 120 mL drink is sold in an attractive blue bottle with a label that seems to scream, DRINK ME. But I became suspicious when I found the Potion shelved with "health drinks" like Arinamin and Yunker...such drinks are popular for on-the-go business types in Japan, but they are loaded with caffeine and they usually taste like Robitussen. Determined to be "investigative" in my "reporting," however, I twisted off the cap and drank the thing a few minutes before typing this entry.

In accordance with my suspicions, the Final Fantasy XII Potion tasted awful. Like the ill-advised marriage of grapefruit juice and cough syrup. And the caffeine is making my hands twitch while I type this.

While I was doing research on the game's release schedule I stumbled on a message board where American otaku were lamenting the unlikelihood of this drink's stateside release. But those gamers aren't missing anything. This drink will not heal your light wounds. And the target demographic for American Final Fantasy fans is a group that should not be consuming more caffeine.