Thursday, December 07, 2017

The War on Christmas will be fought musically and we will all lose

Today at work somebody decided it would be a good idea to play this hour-long "disco Christmas" mix they found on YouTube over the loudspeakers in the lobby. It's actually not an hour-long mix, but rather a half-hour mix played twice in a row. I don't know who thought this kind of track was a good idea but it isn't. It's the musical equivalent of war crimes.

Truth be told, a lot of it isn't what most people would call a "disco mix" at all. It starts out with some kind of Trinidad beat, and it has an irritating tendency to return to the same pop chorus over and over again, while only the intermittent Christmas carols change. The singing is incredibly vanilla, like a sedated Abba. It was so bad that we all broke down laughing around twenty minutes in, where it keeps alternating between Christmas music and Jennifer Lopez's "On the Floor" (or, as they sing in this version, "On the floor, on the whooooooo!").

Or did we all break down laughing? Maybe it was only myself. And maybe I was crying, not laughing.