Friday, September 28, 2007

Halo, Halo, Halo! Three, Three, Three!

September 27 marked the Japanese release of Bungie's Halo 3, the third installment of a game series on which Microsoft has depended very heavily for Xbox and Xbox 360 sales. As such, this third chapter is Bungie's biggest production number to date, attempting to give first-person shooter fans a pants-wettingly great experience.

So how are my pants, you ask? Drenched in joy, my friend.

Even though I don't consider myself a true fan of the FPS genre, Halo 3 has bought out the majority of shares of stock in my heart with its beautiful design, enjoyable campaign and solid multiplayer mode. And then it completes its hostile takeover of my favor with excellent extras.

When I say "extras," I'm basically just talking about Theater Mode, where players can revisit their recent multiplayer matches and capture clips and screenshots of their finest hours. I have said before that in-game camera functions are a gaming cliché that every game should have, so the ability to take hi-res stills of my character's antics, give them humorous captions and then upload them to Bungie's website (where they can be downloaded to my computer hard drive) is quite honestly the bee's proverbial knees. The veritable cat's pajamas.

The shiz-nit, if you will.

So now, on with the shiz-nit! Here are some shots taken from my very first Halo 3 multiplayer experince...a Slayer match in which an incredible stroke of beginners' luck gave me the power to pwn my oppwnents. (I'm the red guy.)

Join me in my ballet of death!

Why must I be sad?

Fleeing the scene of the pwn.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Portrait of a Badass: Jessica

Character: Jessica Rabbit Actor: Kathleen Turner (speech) / Amy Irving (singing)
Film: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
Badass Moment: A weasel who puts his hand down the front of Jessica's dress falls victim to a booby trap.

Few things can affect a boy's development as drastically as the year 1988 affected me. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles poisoned my brain with the notion that women should have gigantic breasts and wear banana-colored jumpsuits like April O'Neil. Double Dragon poisoned my brain with the notion that women should have gigantic breasts and carry whips like Linda. And Who Framed Roger Rabbit poisoned my brain with the notion that women should have gigantic breasts and be married to Jessica Rabbit.
Yes, 1988 was quite a year for breasts. Even the number 88 itself has undeniably mammal qualities.
The movie was a groundbreaking work of art for its deep melding of live action and animated characters, to say nothing of its highly entertaining action, humor and story. But none of that had a prayer of making an impression on me in competition with Jessica and her 88's. I was only ten years old when the movie came out, too young to really appreciate what I was seeing, yet old enough to know that the part when Bob Hoskins accidentally bumps his head on her chest as he stands up was a moment of true film finesse.
Of course, breasts alone don't make Jessica the newest addition to the Hall of Badass. She's the quintessential femme fatale who spends most of her fleeting screentime earning the intrigue and distrust of the audience. And on top of that, she has a hell of a voice. Two voices, technically. The fact that no singular actress could be found who would do justice to both Jessica's speaking voice and singing voice is also a credit to her badassness.
I read somewhere that, in order to give Jessica's breasts their otherworldly motion, animators tried to make them appear to bounce in reverse. That's right, Jessica is so badass, the filmmakers had to violate Newtonian physics in order to bring her to life.
Jessica, you are a badass. And no, you aren't "just drawn that way." We saulte you.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Haven't Made Fun of Bush In a While

Dude. I totally just realized that the president of the United States is a fool.

He thinks Saddam Hussein killed Nelson Mandela.

Seldom are the letters WTF so urgently necessary.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

New Music

After sitting on my computer in an unfinished state for more than two years, my song "Shimokitazawa" is now fit for public consumption. You can hear it at, where it is hopefully destined for a favorable review rating.


(And, for anyone who cares, I do plan to finish posting photos from my summer trip to Kyushu. Further photos will be added to the same post with all the other photos. Just hold your horses, all right?)