Portrait of a Badass: Javier

Character: Javier Rodriguez Rodriguez
Actor: Benicio Del Toro
Film: Traffic (2000)
Badass Moment: Javier uses his police training and feminine guiles to apprehend Francisco Flores (see image).

This week the Oscars reminded me about how little justice there is in the world. Five years ago Gladiator, a fun film about dismemberment, stole the Best Picture award clean out of the hands of Traffic, an awesome film about exploding cars and dolls made of cocaine.

If you haven't seen Traffic, allow me to sum it all up for you, in the style of a junior high school book report:

There's this badass Mexico City cop. He's cool. He wrecks drug smugglers and hitmen. Then there is this politician guy and a stoner kid and Catherine Zeta Jones, but the cop is the best character. He's awesome.

The awesome cop is Javier Rodriguez y Rodriguez. His awesomeness stems from the fact that he shows more complexity than any of the film's other "main" characters (if you can call them that; Traffic literally begins and ends with Javier Rodriguez Rodriguez).

Everybody likes beisbol...everybody likes badasses...that's what I'm talking about, my friend.

¡PRIMA DE TRADUCCIÓN!
(TRANSLATION BONUS!)

Here's the Spanish babel fish translation of my article, courtesy of AltaVista:

Esta semana los Oscars me recordó sobre cómo la pequeña justicia allí está en el mundo. Cinco años hace de Gladiator, una película divertida sobre la desmembración, la estola la mejor concesión del cuadro limpia fuera de las manos del Traffic, una película impresionante sobre los coches que estallan y las muñecas hechas de la cocaína.

Si usted no ha visto Traffic, permita que lo sume todo para arriba para usted, en el estilo de un informe del libro de la High School secundaria menor:

Hay este poli de Ciudad de México de los badass. Él es fresco. Él arruina a contrabandistas de la droga e hitmen. Entonces hay este individuo y un cabrito y una Catherine Zeta Jones del político de la deshuesadora, pero el poli es el mejor carácter. Él es impresionante.

El poli impresionante es Javier Rodriguez y Rodriguez. Su awesomeness proviene el hecho de que él demuestra más complejidad que cualesquiera de otros caracteres "principales" de la película (si usted puede llamarlos eso; Traffic comienza y termina literalmente con Javier Rodriguez Rodriguez).

Todos tiene gusto de beisbol... que todos tiene gusto de badasses... que es de lo que estoy hablando, mi amigo.

Retranslation back to English:

This week the Oscars remembered to me on how the small justice is there in the world. Five years for of Gladiator, a film amused on the dismemberment, the stole the best concession of the clean picture outside the hands of the Traffic, an impressive film on the cars that explode and the wrists done of the cocaine. If you have not seen Traffic, allows that she adds/sinks everything for above for you, in the style of a report of the book of the High smaller secondary School:

There is this poli of City of Mexico of badass. It is fresh. It ruins smugglers of the drug and hitmen. Then there is this individual and a cabrito and a Catherine Zeta Jones of the politician of the deshuesadora, but poli is the best character. It is impressive.

Poli impressive is Javier Rodriguez and Rodriguez. His awesomeness comes the fact that it demonstrates more complexity than nobodies of other "main" characters of the film (if you can call them that; Traffic begins and finishes literally with Javier Rodriguez Rodriguez).

All have taste of beisbol... that all has taste of badasses... that is of which I am speaking, my friend.

Honyaku Friday

Best block, no be there.

This week's sensational, translational offering comes in the form of a review of The Karate Kid I wrote for the Internet Movie Database in June 2003.

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This movie is a guilty pleasure for me, because my brain recognizes how silly it is, but I always come back and watch it again. Any movie, let alone a trilogy, which takes an irritating, unlikeable whiner and makes him the heroic protagonist deserves some respect, at least for overcoming the hurdles associated with making an unlikeable character likeable. See also, Star Wars.

Ralph Macchio explodes onto the screen as Daniel Larusso, the aformentioned whiner. The kid gets into fist fights over boomboxes, steals a guy's girlfriend, hoses the guy down at the school dance, and blames the subsequent problems on his "stupid bike." He is, for lack of a better word, a bonehead. Who wouldn't love this crazy all-American teen?

Then Pat Morita steps in to give Daniel some much-needed direction. His attempts to help are greeted with more and more whining. But through months of zen floorwax training, Daniel-san becomes the grandmaster of Miyagido Karate and proves once and for all that violence really is the answer.

Unfortunately, this is one of those movies that contributes to the general American non-understanding of Asian cultures, with its stereotypically eccentric Mr. Miyagi, but Kreese (the EVIL karate instructor!) is equally eccentric, so I guess I forgive the filmmakers for that.

A word on this movie's soundtrack: Gnarly! During the beach party sequence, we are treated to a rapidfire trio of obscure 80s pop tunes (possibly "fake songs," written especially for the movie, but I'm not sure about that). And during the tournament scene, you'll be dancing like a dork to the motivational hit "You're the Best Around (No One's Ever Gonna Keep You Down)!" or whatever that song's called, I don't know.

FUN FACT: I used to have this movie on VHS. I copied it from my local video store. But the movie is more than two hours long, and I used SP speed to tape it...so right after Kreese says, "sweep the leg," and Daniel's knee is apparently crushed, the tape ends, with Daniel crumpled on the floor in a heap, gasping for life. It's GREAT.

Double-Translated Results from Yahoo Honyaku:

Because it recognizes so method stupidity, this movie is guilty joy for me, but I always come back, and my brain watches it again. I take an unfavorable sobbing person to irritate not to speak of a trilogy to overcome a hurdle related to it being liked an unfavorable person at least, and even what kind of movie doing him to the leading role of a hero deserves some respect. In addition, please look, and it is the star wars.

As Daniel Larusso (a sobbing person done aformentioned of), I pass on screen, and Ralph Macchio fires up. A child begins a fist fight on boomboxes, and steal a girl friend of a person, and wash a person with a hose by a school dance and a problem of result of him "blame a stupid bicycle". Because there is not a better word, He is a stupid person. Anyone this, indeed, do not love U.S.A. teen?

Then Pat Morita enters to give Daniel some courses needed very much. His trial to help with is accepted by groaning more and more. Through zen floorwax training to extend in how many months, Daniel-san becomes a grand master of Miyagido Karate, and I am limited really this time, and the violence is and an answer to prove that I say.

Unfortunately this is our nothing of those movies contributing to strange Mr. who is the stereotypically Miyagi and general American fault knowledge of Asian culture, but Kreese (instructor EVIL karate!) is wind strange so I who spread it think that I forgive it of a movie producer.

A word on a sound track of this movie: twisted! Between beach party sequences, we are treated to a rapidfire trio of pop music (perhaps) I who am written for "a false song" (movie in particular am not reliable about it) of 80's that does not become clear. And, between tournament scenes, you dance like a penis for a stimulating hit "you are best Around" (there is not it in Ever Gonna Keep You Down of One)! I do not know that or the song visited so the thing in anything.

A pleasant fact: I had this movie on VHS. I copied it from my local video shop. However, movies are more than 2 long time, and I warp. After Kreese, - saying please just "grow a foot" and I use SP speed to record tape, and thus a knee of Daniel is crushed clearly. And, with Daniel whom a tape edge becomes a lump, and is smashed on a floor, I yearn for life. It is big.

Addendum: June 10, 2005
I just watched The Karate Kid again for the first time since writing that review, and noticed an inaccuracy. The part where my copy of the movie unexpectedly terminated was right after Johnny drops an elbow to Daniel's knee, right before Daniel's winning crane-kick to the face (not the famous "sweep the leg" part). I shudder to think of the suffering and injustice that must have resulted from my review's glaring inaccuracy, and can only pray for forgiveness. Furthermore, I realize that the caption, "Best block, no be there" is actually a reference to The Karate Kid II. But my favorite line from this movie, Kreese's "You're a pushy little bastard ain't ya? But I like that!" was too long to use as a caption to such a small image.

Honyaku What Ever

As you can see, a weekly thing like Honyaku Friday is not easy for me to continue over time. It's not that I don't have time to type something up and click the necessary buttons. It's just that, lately, I can't think of anything clever to write. (Some would argue that I never can.) But I'm convinced that Honyaku Friday was and is a good idea...in fact, it renders the mostly unhumorous humor site engrish.com obsolete! So I'm not likely to trash it completely, but maybe it's not realistic to expect a Honyaku a week.

Double-Translated results from Yahoo Honyaku:

As you see it is not easy for me to continue a thing of every week such as Honyaku with time on Friday. It types something to me, and it is not for there not to be time clicking a necessary button. What I am assigned to anything which is smart so that I write it and cannot think about is natural recently. (I insist that some cannot grind at all so me.) However, I am the thought that Honyaku is good on Friday, and it is convinced of a certain thing. Actually, it mainly makes the humor site that is not interesting of engrish.com a times delay! Thus I do not seem to completely break it, but probably it is not realistic to expect in Honyaku for one week.

Honyaku Friday

Heart failure is HOT

Looks like I can strike another item from my list of reasons I prefer living in Japan to living in the US

Reason #87: I don't have to see Paris Hilton on TV in Japan.

No longer! Sleepy-eyed Paris Hilton, who dominates VH1 specials stateside, has been refreshingly absent from the Japanese media until now. But the other day, Girlfriend was watching a morning gossip show and BOOM! There's Paris Hilton on the screen, rubbing a hamburger on herself. The hosts of the show exchanged some comments about the issue of the commercials alleged "sexiness," but the discourse ultimately wound up in coincidence with my own opinion: Paris Hilton cannot make fast food sexy.

This is not only because nothing can make fast food sexy, but also because I find Paris Hilton's tranquilizer-induced facial expressions completely unappealing. Seeing her bite into this six-pound hamburger (in her sleep?) isn't exactly a recipe for eroticism.

I hesitate to completely remove Reason #87 from my list, because this Japanese TV Paris mention could have been a one-time thing. Or, it could be the catapult that launches Paris Hilton to a Bob Sapp level of Japan fame.

Double-translated results from Yahoo Honkayu:

Japanese, I live in my living in U.S.A. and can seem to beat another item from my list of a reason to like.

Reason #87: I do not have to encounter Paris Hilton Hotel on TV in Japan.

No, I am longer! The Japanese media did not have Paris Hilton Hotel (the person influences VH1 special in U.S.A.) which had sleepy eyes refreshingly till now. However, Girlfriend watched gossip show and BOOM in the morning the other day! There is Paris Hilton Hotel to a screen. And I rub the surface of her own with a hamburger. The host of a show changed some comment about a problem of "the seductiveness" that it took of commercial suspicion, but the statement was finally over for agreement of accident in an opinion of my own: Paris Hilton Hotel cannot make fast food sexy.

Because the expression that I say that I am sexy, and anything can do fast food, and I was completely caused by a tranquilizer of Paris Hilton Hotel discovers what unappealing does, there is this. She a hamburger (in her sleep?) of these 6 pounds Is similar, and bite it, and seeing it being accompanied of eroticism is not always a recipe.

Because this Japanese television Paris mention was able to be an old thing, I completely hesitate in removing Reason #87 from my list. Or Bob Sapp level of Japanese fame was able to be the pachinko which started Paris Hilton Hotel it.

Honyaku Friday

This week Tokyo news outlets are all abuzz with talk of a lesser panda at the Chiba City Zoo who has the unusual habit of standing on his hind legs for extended periods of time. It seems that, every time I turn on the TV, I am seeing new footage of this little guy standing up (and looking very much like a little kid in a Halloween costume), with the correspondent's voice whispering, "Tachimashita! Ima tachimashita!" ("He stood up! He's just stood up!") That's usually followed by footage of little Japanese kids being interviewed after seeing watching the animal stand there for 30 minutes, and they always say something anticlimactic like, "It was cute. He stood up."

But look at him! Can you honestly tell me this isn't the cutest little animal (that looks like a kid in a Halloween costume) you've ever seen? Girlfriend thinks this little guy's got a shot at becoming a new playable character in Tekken 6.

Double-translated results from Yahoo Honyaku:

Tokyo News outlet is turbulent by a story of a lesser panda this week at Chiba-shi zoo doing a different custom standing on his hind legs during a long-term period at all. Whenever I attach television, I seem to watch that I stand in a voice of the correspondent whom a new scene whispers it to of this small person (and looking like a very small child with Halloween costume). And "He stood up! He stood up this very moment!" That posture writes it down for 30 and and, after that, they usually look at the animal which says what of a gradually-descending method is always in "it was cute". The boyfriend whom a scene did not follow of the almost Japanese child that it was interviewed after having watched it stood up.

However, please watch him! Can you tell me that there is not it with the dearest small animal (the feeling like the child who put on Halloween costume) that you saw this till now honestly? A girl friend thinks that a thing of this small person got an aim to it being it to the new character whom it is possible for of fist 6.

Honyaku Friday (Sunday)

the face of iron-fisted
domination

I apologize for not posting Honyaku Friday on Friday. You see, I was hypnotized by the sleepy gaze of the sea turtle in the picture I posted below, and I fell asleep on Friday afternoon, not to wake up until Sunday morning. I'm not very good at lying.

It has been put forth that little Aiko-sama (the daughter of Crown Prince Naruhito and Princess Masako) has the right to the Japanese Imperial Throne, which would make her the nation's first-ever empress (not counting the widows of previous emperors who filled in for their dead hubbies).

The issue previously hinged on whether or not the 1947 Imperial House Law, which ignores the postwar Constitution "banning discrimination in political matters based on gender" and limited the throne to male offspring of imperial blood, was unconstitutional. It is, obviously, but a final decision has yet to be made.

The Japanese press is in love with Princess Aiko's chubby face, and the poor girl can't even play Tamagotchi without a camera crew showing up. I'm sure her future appointment as empress would thrill the media, not to mention the millions of Japanese who would gain a new national holiday on Aiko-sama's birthday.

The Emperor (called Tennou, or "heavenly king") lacks political power, but is always first to be considered for appearances in movies where Tom Cruise plays a samurai.

Double-Translated Results from Yahoo Honyaku:

I mail you Honyaku on Friday on Friday and apologize in a lost thing. I that you watched it was hypnotized in the picture which I posted below by sleepy eyes of a sea turtle and I fell asleep at the afternoon of Friday. And I do not get up until the morning of Sunday. I am not many good liars.

That Aiko -sama (a daughter of Prince null Homo sapiens and a Masako princess) did not have the right to Japanese empire Throne was almost taken out. And it makes her the first Queen (I do not count a widow of their emperor before having substituted for a dead husband) of a country.

The problem was decided whether 1947 Imperial Family method (it ignored the postwar constitution which "prohibited discrimination in a political issue to be based on sex" and limited throne to boy attendants of blood of an empire) was against a constitution previously. Sure does so it, and the last decision is not yet done.

A Japanese press does a face and love doing completely of Princess Aiko and, as for the poor girl, doing it cannot do Tamagotchi without an appearing camera worker. I am convinced that her future appointment to Queen thrills the media not to speak of the Japanese public getting a festival day new on a birthday of Aiko-sama.

The Emperor (called tenno or "King like heaven") lacks the political power, but it is always a beginning so that it is considered for the appearance in the movie that Tom Cruise plays a samurai.

Honyaku Maui

We now return to the contest at hand. Which was a better vacation experience, Hawaii or Thailand?

Point 1: Thailand is cheaper. Moreover, Hawaii is rather a rip-off in many ways, especially regarding food. Thailand has shopkeepers and taxi drivers who might try to rip you off, but you can avoid such treatment if you're not stupid. Hawaii doesn't have that flexibility. And unleaded gas was $2.78 per gallon on Maui. Thanks a heap, Mr. President.

Point 2: Hawaii has the unfortunate distinction of being a US state, with which comes a whole slew of complications, such as extra-long waits at immigrations, rude service workers, annoyingly large cars being driven by annoyingly bad drivers...oh yeah, AND unleaded gas was $2.78 per gallon on Maui.

Point 3: Hawaiians speak English. This is a double-edged sword; it makes your dealings easy, but living in Japan has made me appreciate the luxury of not having to overhear everybody's dumb conversations involuntarily.

Maui had better coastal snorkeling, slightly less brutal sunshine, better indigenous dance and less mosquitos...but I'm leaning towards a preference for Thailand. At this point it's moot anyway, since I'm pretty much broke after my trip to Maui.

Double-Translated Results from Yahoo Honyaku:

Now we return to a contest at hand. Which was the better holiday experience or Hawaii or the sea bream?

Point 1: A sea bream is cheaper. Furthermore, rather Hawaii is fraud in various points. And I am careful to food in particular. There are a retail store manager and the taxi driver who may be going to cheat you to a sea bream, but you can avoid such measures if you are not stupid. Hawaii does not have the flexibility. And the lead-free gas was 2.78 dollars about a gallon on one Maui. I thank for sedimentation (His Highness).

Point 2: Which which lets describe the unlucky distinction that is US Hawaii comes the whole of complexity (so as to be noisy, big car which is gone for a drive with a poor driver so that, for example, the service worker who is long waiting outside the immigration control, rudeness is noisy) killed it. Yes, so (AND which no lead gas was Maui, and there were 2.78 dollars about 1 gallon).

Point 3: Hawaii person talks about English. This is by double-edged sword; It simplified your relation, but it let you evaluate the luxury that it was not necessary to hear the conversation that an entrance of all cannot hear me without a way to live in Japan. Mosquitoes a more little than snorkeling of the shore where Maui is better, the sunlight which are not brutal by the few, a better native dance. lasted, but I like it towards Thai choice. At this point do it in which, and there is room of an argument since I was almost penniless after my trip to Maui.

* The Japanese name for Thailand is Tai, which is also the Japanese word for "sea bream." Apparently Yahoo Honyaku couldn't decide which word it liked more, because its translation was inconsistent.

Honyaku Friday

Otaku Friday has become tiresome. Since I refuse to scrape the bottom of the barrel of laughs (that being the task of making fun of obese girls in Shiranui Mai costumes, which is easier than shooting fish in a barrel of laughs), I am forced to replace Otaku Friday with something more interesting. I haven't decided yet what that will be, but here's one possibility: I will feed some English into the Yahoo Japan Translation page, and then feed the Japanese results back in to get some interesting English. If it goes the way I think it will, we should have some high-quality weird Japanese t-shirt English. Why don't we try it out with this paragraph? Let's English!!!

Double-Translated Results from Yahoo Honyaku:

The otaku became troublesome on Friday. Because I refuse to rub against a bottom of a pipe of a laughter (being work to make fun of an overweight girl in simple Shiranui my costume than shooting a fish in the a lot of laughters), it is forced that I stop, and I exchange Otaku for anything which is interesting on Friday. I did not yet decide it what it is about, but there is one possibility here: I feed British one part on Yahoo Translation page and then feed back a Japanese result inside to make interesting one part the U.K. If it goes by the method how then it thinks of me, British, we must do a doubtful Japanese T shirt of some high quality. Why do not we make a try of it in this paragraph? English is changed!

Yes, English is changed. Honyaku Friday...a new tradition is born!