Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
"Ninja uniforms are made of top quality fabrics. These are real Ninja uniforms, not cheap costumes. Available in black only. Includes 2 piece hood, hand gauntlets, top, and pants. Sizes from 0 to 6."
Now, I don't claim to be an authority on ninja culture...but if these are real uniforms, does that mean were there toddler ninjas, like the ones pictured here, running around feudal Japan? And did they really carry bright red plastic nunchucks? Because those, paired with the black pajamas, really make them hard to see against that authentic ninja golf course in the background. All in all I'd have to say that these "real ninja uniforms" are about as Japanese as a can of Chef Boyardee in Chuck Norris's pantry.
A closer look at the item page reveals that, true enough, they are not cheap costumes. At $47.99 a piece, they are decidedly expensive costumes.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
As the illustration at right...uhr, illustrates, Japan will soon have one more weapon of mass destruction in the war on homeliness. Following a recent trend in South Korea, Johnson & Johnson is set to release OneDay Acuvue Define, a cosmetic contact lens that increases the apparent diameter of one's iris. Now you, too, can look like Astro Boy.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Another example is Congress's recent display of "concern" over whether Mark McGuire uses steroids. He obviously does. Will the Secretary please introduce the next item. Call Congress and make your disgust known. Just kidding, Congress never answers the phone. But here's some cool trivia: The toll-free number for Congress is 1-877-SOB-U-SOB. True story.
Friday, March 18, 2005
(Now I'm going to see how long it takes until some conventiongoer reads my blog and calls me a hypocrite for posting images of game characters while simultaneously making fun of the people who take their video game fandom just a hair more seriously than I do.)
*Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Yet to be determined is whether I'll take the Ginza Line back to Shibuya when my journey is done, or ride a Sumida River boat to Hamamatsucho and then take the Yamanote Line homeward. Or, for that matter, whether or not I'll collapse before I even get half way. Cherry blossom season is usually around the first two weeks of April, and my work schedule (plus the fact that the Imperial Gardens are closed on Fridays) effectively means I have to do this on either April 3 or April 10.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Japanese language accounts of this item mention that the siblings brought food to their father on a daily basis, never stopping to wonder why he wasn't eating. How the western news media failed to pick up on this savory bit of sensationalism, I'll never understand.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Am I the only person who remembers Arnold Schwarzenagger talking himself up (while simulatenousely saying "Steroids ah for loosahs, so I dun't yoose dem. Eeyaaiiii!") in the 1980s? I can't find any record of this, but I'm sure he said something to that effect. And now he says, "I have no regrets becahs steroids were new bahk den, and now I am de govenah of de Kalifornia. Eeyaaiiii!" Note: I don't really have a strong opinion about steroid use. If athletes want to bring shame on themselves by using illegal performance enhancers, let them. Mostly I just needed an excuse to post this still from Jingle All the Way.
In other news:
Sam Johnson, you are an idiot!
AP reported Saturday that 74-year-old veteran and Congressman Sam Johnson (R-Texas...where else?) made remarks in February about wanting to personally drop two nuclear bombs on Syria. Afterword he explained it was only a joke. Aren't old people funny?
My family's dentist was located across the street from a carwash. For something like eight years straight, the carwash's changeable marquee carried the same message: "FOA MY BRUSH." The inexplicable space in the middle of the word "foamy" would prompt a booming voice in my head to yell, "Fo' my brush!" This, in turn, caused me to laugh during my fluoride treatment, and I had to explain to the hygenist what was so funny. (Or not so funny, depending on your point of view.)
Similarly, I was driven to laughter by a plaque on the wall of my optometrist's office. The plaque commemorated the doctor's receipt of a Jaycee honor called the John H. Armbruster Memorial Award, and sported a relief carving of Mr. Armbruster, a frumpy, old man with glasses. At first glance I misread the award as the John H. ArmBUSTER Memorial Award, which naturally lead to a mental image of the frumpy, old guy breaking people's arms. The optometrist's reaction to my laughter was very similar to his reaction six months earlier, when I told him that I had permanently messed up my vision by watching the entire Superbowl through a pair of 3D glasses.
Most recently, I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing during an English lesson, when I suddenly remembered a line from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, completely out of context:
MRS. GLOOP: You boiled him up, I know it!
Incidentally, there have been many other times when Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory planted "the seed of silliness" in my brain, usually via some twisted revision of the Oompa Loompa song, or the idea I had a few years ago for an alternate ending where the Wonkavator transforms into a deadly missile that homes in on and destroys Charlie's house. I am also reminded of the part where Mr. Wonka says something like, "Don't lose your head. We wouldn't want anyone to lose that...yet." The "yet" really got my hopes up. I waited and waited for Charlie and the Chocolate-Induced Decaptitation Rampage...and I'm still waiting.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Friday, March 04, 2005
Thursday, March 03, 2005
This is a Morinaga kiosk in the upper level of JR Tamachi Station. Morinaga is the company responsible for the candy Chocoball and its avine mascot, Kyoro-chan (for whom this "Kyorosk" is named). See the clock? Each hour on the hour some wacky music starts playing and those four Kyoro-chans on the front of the kiosk start twisting to and fro in a strange, diabetic dance. On seeing this, many of the business people walking past regard the kiosk with an expression that seems to say, "Wow. That's goofy, even by my stilted Japanese standards of goofiness."
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
I am Mrs Fatou Robinson from war ravaged SIERRA LEONE but presently domiciled in Abidjan Ivory coast with my two sons. My Husband Mr Gilberth Robinson who before his untimely assassination by the rebels was the Director of SIERRA LEONE Diamond corporation.
I don't know what constitutes a timely assassination of one's husband, but that's neither here nor there. It then goes on to explain that I should act as an intermediary for the transfer of funds totalling $15 million into various investments and blah blah blah, and oh yeah, of course I'll earn a sizeable commission for my efforts. But this con artist made several glaring errors. For example, appeals like "for the sake of God and humanity give an immediate positive consideration" are wasted on people like me, who don't think so highly of God and humanity. Not to mention that the claim to being a widow of the Director of SIERRA LEONE Diamond Corporation doesn't do much to bolster my sympathy.
Getting emails like this fills me with a contempt I haven't felt since I sat on the receiving end of endless credit card fraud phone calls at the Eastbay call center. (Worst job ever, by the way.)
I thought about responding with the following email, but ultimately thought better of it:
Dear Fatso Robinson; So sorry to hear about the dead guy. At least you have the diamonds to fall back on. I'm not sure who told you I'm an expert at money handling and investments, but here's something you should know: I failed Financial Accounting twice. So maybe you need to quit being a little skinflint and channel some of that ill-gotten diamond blood money into a professional who can do that for you. Say hi to "the rebels" for me.