Saturday, July 30, 2005

Vocabulary Goblins Steal the Words "Attempted" and "Failed"

Is anyone else confused and annoyed by headlines like this?

London Arrests Three in July 21 Bombings

I'm sorry, did "bombings" take place in London on that day? Am I way out of line here? I thought a "bombing" was an event in which a bomb is made to explode. Apparently, in the New Concise Dictionary of Extra-Slippery News English, a bombing is defined as an event in which a bomb exists somewhere. By this new definition, bombings are taking place all over the world, at every moment of the day. Where are all the headlines like "Michigan Man Holds Lawn Party Despite Constant Bombings" or "Pope Offers Gesture of Peace, Bombings?" Come on...this stuff is news, too, people!

Of course, I wouldn't go so far as to question whether any bombings were attempted on that day, as I have no evidence either way...but aren't you sick of the news media jerking you around, trying to manufacture a feeling of terror in you? The only terror I feel anymore is that, when I die in an x-treme underwater BMX bungee-jumping robotic shark attack, the irresponsible press will misrepresent my spectacular end with the headline, "Bicycle Falls Into Ocean; 1 Dead."

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